23 Birthday

Today is my daughter's 23 birthday. It is hard to imagine that it was that long ago that I gave birth to my first child. She was a peanut, 5lbs. 2oz. She was only two weeks early, but I had been in and out of hospital the entire pregnancy with hyperemesis and preterm labor. I literally threw up ALL the time. The longest I went in 9 mos without throwing up was 4hours and that was while I slept. I would wake up out of a sound sleep and throw up and go right back to sleep. I tease that I knew the second I was pregnant, as soon as the sperm hit the egg I started throwing up and I didn't stop until I delivered! I started the pregnancy at 116 lbs, got down to 92 lbs and finished at 116lbs. I looked like a pregnant skeleton!

I love my daughter dearly, as I do all my children, but I must confess, she has given me the most mental/emotional challenges. She has always challenged my authority and been down right disobedient. She spent a good deal of her adolescence being grounded. I would explain why I didn't approve of a certain behavior, how I expected her to behave and the consequences of not obeying. She fully understood but didn't care and would do as she pleased anyway, knowing full well she would have to pay the consequences. I wept, prayed and pleaded to God to help her change, apparently she is unwilling at this time, so I continue to pray for her heart to soften.

She has officially left her husband, he has moved back with his mother and she is here short term until she gets another apartment. My heart breaks, I have counceled her, given her scripture, read scripture, wept and prayed. As much as I rejoice in this day of her birth, it brings much sorrow in regards to her life choices. It is a bittersweet day. She is my little princess, my Manda Panda, the beautiful daughter of my heart, my first born, my dream come true.